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  What do you say when you're drunk?

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Stories submitted by men

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I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

#262
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Jun 15, 2012 06:39 PM - Miscellaneous - by Anonymous (man)

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily!

#250
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Jun 14, 2012 05:38 PM - Miscellaneous - by Anonymous (man)

The number-one fear in life is public speaking, and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.

#269
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Jun 14, 2012 05:38 PM - Miscellaneous - by Anonymous (man)

hey, i'm my mother's father!

#278
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Jun 14, 2012 05:30 PM - Miscellaneous - by Anonymous (man)

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

#265
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Jun 13, 2012 06:34 PM - Miscellaneous - by Anonymous (man)

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills . . . Making the last car payment.

#268
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Jun 13, 2012 06:34 PM - Miscellaneous - by Anonymous (man)

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

#266
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Jun 13, 2012 06:34 PM - Miscellaneous - by Anonymous (man)

If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?

#272
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Jun 12, 2012 09:01 PM - Miscellaneous - by Anonymous (man)

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

#260
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Jun 12, 2012 09:01 PM - Miscellaneous - by Anonymous (man)

By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends.

#271
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Jun 12, 2012 09:01 PM - Miscellaneous - by Anonymous (man)

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