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What do you say when you're drunk?

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Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I win!

#310

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Jul 14, 2012 02:26 PM - Miscellaneous - by showdoo (man)

can you pass the lettuce? the bunny inside my stomach is hungry.

#12

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Apr 5, 2012 09:47 PM - Health - by miserablemammet (man)

Brian *dancing, swaying his big ass and his hips*: "What you guys don't realize is that my big balls are making contact with my legs. Left to right, left to right."

#96

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Apr 10, 2012 03:32 PM - Party - by elmatador (man)

omg why is there a hand up my skirt...

#6

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Apr 5, 2012 09:46 PM - Sex - by stressedscut (woman)

Who do I have to blow to get some respect around here?

#14

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Apr 5, 2012 10:04 PM - Sex - by rapturousmeasle (woman)

When kids hit one year old, it`s like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.
- Johnny Depp

#152

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Apr 20, 2012 10:00 PM - Love - by Anonymous (man)

Shit. Where is my slut?

#209

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May 15, 2012 06:44 PM - Sex - by thatsbetter (man)

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

#52

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Apr 5, 2012 10:51 PM - Miscellaneous - by uncomfortablebug (woman)

I made a drink so smooth it went down like butter.

#295

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Jun 22, 2012 06:16 PM - Party - by leelothbitch (woman)

Seeing if she lets you do anal is like the ultimate test.

#43

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Apr 5, 2012 10:36 PM - Sex - by troubledbarnacle (man)

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